To die by your side
by Pooky1234
Summary: A one off full of angst set before and after Day 4.


**This time the angst bunny got me as I needed to work out some frustration and annoyance. This is what came out as I did. I know it acknowledges that CoE happened but sometimes you have to. But to be able to write about Jack Harkness, well the pleasure and the privilege is mine.**

To die by your side

Jack could see the tears in Ianto's eyes, those questioning eyes that were threatening to take out Jack's heart and examine it to see if it was real and if it still functioned. Jack wanted to be kind, he wanted to say something soothing to the man who looked at him, but he couldn't. There was so much that he hadn't told Ianto, so much from which he'd protected him. Jack hadn't wanted to lose him either, so he'd kept things to himself. What good would the truth have served, if telling it lost him Ianto?

'Jack, talk to me,' Ianto pleaded.

'What do you want me to say, Ianto? You know I gave up 12 children to an alien race 44 years ago. I was chosen because they thought I wouldn't care and I didn't. I was a soldier; I did as I was told. The children were expendable and they wouldn't be missed. Millions would be saved because of them. It seemed like a fair deal to me. I've seen what a flu epidemic can do. In 1918 more people died of flu than were killed in the war. I watched my wife die and I died too. Her name was Molly; she was so sweet and kind and it took her away, some stupid disease took her away and our unborn child. So ask me if I think 12 children were worth it and the answer is yes. And for the last 44 years it has stayed that way.'

Ianto moved towards him, wanting to close this gulf that threatened to open up between them.

'I understand why you did it, Jack. I just wish you didn't have to. I wish Torchwood wouldn't make you make these decisions. They expect too much of you.'

'I do what I need to do, Ianto. I understand that in the vastness of time that we're all just moments that come and go.'

'Except for you, Jack; who knows how long you'll be alive. We must seem like ships that pass in the night to you. In a thousand years you'll still look like that and we'll be gone and forgotten, just more lovers and friends you had along the way.'

'I wish it could be different, Ianto. You know you matter to me. You know what its cost me to love you, but have to put you into the face of danger all the time. That's why I kept quiet about Alice and Stephen. I endanger all those I love. UNIT would give anything to get hold of them, and test them, to see if they're like me.'

'But you could have trusted me, Jack,' Ianto said.

'I know what your pain threshold is, Ianto, and UNIT don't use safe words. I was afraid they'd use you to get to them. I was trying to protect you all; don't you understand that? I have so many secrets. I've been here for 140 years. Even I can't remember them all now. If I thought about things too much I'd be a gibbering wreck, locked up in a padded cell. That's how some people would prefer me. It's what happened when Torchwood first found me; Guppy and Holroyd tried every way they had at the time to kill me until I agreed to work for them. I've had to prove my worth over and over again so they didn't lock me up and try every new method of killing that people invented. So forgive me Ianto, if you can, for sparing you the things I know and the things that I've seen and done. You've protected me from myself and you've allowed me to be someone different, but it never really stops, this need to be the immortal Captain Jack Harkness. Tomorrow I'll be facing them again – the 456.'

'We're going to face them, Jack. We're in this together.'

'But you could die, Ianto.'

'Everyone has to die sometime and to die by your side – well, the pleasure and the privilege will be mine.' Ianto smiled knowing that yet again he was quoting one of his favourites. 'True, I'd have liked to have been old and grey, but let's face it no one from Torchwood ever lives to collect their pension.'

Jack looked at the young man in front of him. He wanted to protect him but he could see the determination on his face.

'It's your choice, Ianto. I'm not going to patronise you.' Ianto now took Jack into his arms, pulling him close.

'I'll be with you, Jack. Somehow I'll always be with you. I wouldn't want it any other way. Come to bed, Jack. If this is our last night together let's ….' Ianto's words were stopped as Jack kissed him.

Later, the next day, as he looked at Ianto lying on that floor, Jack's heart shattered. And as he travelled around the universe trying to find those pieces in bar after bar he wondered if anyone would be able to fix him this time. Then he heard a voice, well two voices really.

'I said we'd find him here, Doctor. My detector worked.' She held up the glass case filled with liquid that contained a hand. Jack looked up from his beer.

'Doctor?' he questioned. The young man in front of him was still tall and skinny and had great hair but the chin was definitely bigger. He looked like everyone's idea of the perfect geography teacher except for the fez.

'Yes, Jack, it's me.'

'_The voice is different as well_,' Jack thought. 'A bow tie, Doc?' he said.

'What, bow ties are cool.'

'So are you going to introduce me?' Jack said.

'This is River Song.'

'Ah, that explains it. I've heard of you. Interesting ornament you have there. I used to have something similar, in more ways than one.' He held up his hand.

'Jack, we need your help. The truth is that we need someone with your special attributes.'

Jack put down his drink. From somewhere across time and space he heard a voice, a voice with beautiful Welsh vowels. 'It's time, cariad.'

'Okay, Doc, I guess there's always another reason to die. What is it this time?'

And for any readers of TW High I promise I will send the bunnies away and get on with typing it.


End file.
